So now that we've gone the distance, we are committed, right? At least that's what I thought. Over the next several months a different kind of roller coaster ride ensued. Being intimate brings on a flood of emotions. Some of them- wonderful, kind of "wow, this bond we share is amazing and no one knows but the two of us". Other times I found myself wondering, "is he with me just for the 's' word"? Sometimes I felt used instead of loved. Too much, too soon, too young.
By January of 1987, Mike was uncertain of his feelings for me. He felt a little "tied down" and wondered what he was missing as a single guy, so he broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Valentine's Day came and went- no Mike. Our school had lots of dances back in the day, as a way for different groups to raise money. So of course, there was a V-day dance and I went. I was miserable. I usually loved to dance, but no Mike on Valentine's Day? Just wasn't fun. I did dance with one of my guy friends (who I admit I had a bit of a crush on) but it absolutely wasn't the same. He wasn't Mike. And I wasn't ready to move on. I tried going on a few dates, but it just wasn't working. I missed Mike terribly.
After a year of dating Mike, my friends had also gotten boyfriends or new friends so I couldn't really hang out with them anymore. Mike's friends had become my friends, along with my cousin Tony. So on occasion I went to Geneva on the weekend to see if anyone was around to hang out with. And of course, I secretly hoped to see Mike, which I never did.
Soon it was Spring Break week. It was my Senior year of high school so my parents were actually letting me go to the beach for a few days. Mike was already down there. My very first night down there, Mike spotted me at a gas station and told Tony to turn in. This distracted Tony in the bumper to bumper traffic of "the strip" and caused them to rear end the car ahead of them! How dumb! But funny!
Needless to say, Mike and I hung out together the rest of the night. Seems he must have had a plan because he took me back to where he was staying. Uh-oh. Yep, you know what's about to happen, don't you? I should've known better. Of course, the make-out session and beyond happened. But then, he did the sweetest thing. I'll never forget it. He played a song for me (on cassette tape, remember those?). The song was "Nobody in his right mind" by George Strait. If you're not familiar with the song, it basically says, 'nobody in his right mind would've left her. Even my heart was smart enough to stay behind". I know, I know, sappy right? But it was beautiful to me. He had my heart and here he was telling me, in a way, that I was still in his heart too. He said he missed me and wanted to get back together. Keep in mind, this was two months after our break up. A very long two months for me so you bet I said yes. I was thrilled.
We had a great time together the rest of that weekend. But reality would set in that following week when we were back home. My world was about to come crashing down again. I got a letter in the mail from Mike just a few days after we got back. He didn't waste any time did he? It said that he had changed his mind. He wanted to stay broken up. He had seen me at the beach and old feelings had stirred, but he really wanted more time to be single and think things through. I was crushed - again.
I again went through the motions of going out on some dates and again went to Geneva to see who I may could hang around with. It was on one of those Geneva trips that I found out that Mike was on a date with another girl. As a matter of fact, this particular girl would be the one that Mike started seeing regularly over the next several weeks. Me? Crushed completely. I was going on dates with different guys and never felt comfortable with any of them and here was Mike, seeing the same girl. Apparently, he was moving on. My heart was ripping into a thousand pieces. His friends all said that she looked like me. So if she looked like me, then why didn't he just want me?
My high school graduation was nearing. So many plans and changes were about to happen in my life. I was going on a Senior trip with a close friend and her Slocomb High school classmates, on a week long tour of London and Scotland. Then, in the Fall of 1987, I was headed to college at Montevallo. All of this without the love of my life. Why was it so hard to get over him? I had no trouble getting guys. Why couldn't I just let go of him?
-to be continued....
Lesson #4- Guard your heart. Until he's sure.
No comments:
Post a Comment