We were now settled in at home with a new baby girl. Life was good. I stayed at home with Kasey while Mike worked. Not too long after Kasey was born, Mike started farming with my daddy. I absolutely loved it! Yes, it was longer hours but I loved that farm with all of my heart and to have Mike be a part of it meant the world to me. Kasey was a fun baby and the first grandchild so everyone was enjoying her and spoiling her. I loved being a wife and mommy but I had some past demons come back to haunt me. I had struggled with weight most of my life and I had gained 60 lbs. while pregnant with Kasey. I, being my weird self and all, wasn't the normal pregnant girl who got sick and barely gained weight. Nooooo, I would feel sick if I DIDN'T eat every 2 hours all 9 months! Both sides of my family have obese tendencies so I was very concerned with my weight. I worried constantly about what Mike and his friends thought. I was still an 18 yr. old girl and looks still meant something. So here we go on the next hill of the roller coaster. I mean, you have to be skinny to be pretty, right? Yes, I had a LOT to learn!
Mike was pretty great during this time. He never once complained about my weight or made any comments to make me feel bad about it. But I beat myself up enough for the both of us. I was once again afraid of losing him. Well, my horrible memory won't allow me to remember how long it was before Mike quit farming to take a job making more money, and daddy once again helped us get into a larger home when Kasey was 2 years old. Backing up a bit, from the time Kasey was almost a year old, I had tried going back to school and worked a full time job. It was hard leaving her. School only lasted for 2 or 3 semesters. I simply couldn't do it all. My Wonder Woman powers had not kicked in at that time (compared to today!). Also throughout that time, I had developed a bad habit of not handling money very well. To this day, I'll admit that I'm just not good with it. I'm not a budget, balance the checkbook kind of girl. Boy, I wish I was!!! That issue brought on its own set of problems and consequences that we've dealt with over the years. We were still young. We had a toddler, jobs that paid just enough to cover the bills, no college degrees, no real career plans and all of that equals a tough life. And we had help! I can't imagine how teen parents even try to manage on their own. And yes, we stayed on our roller coaster ride. I was overweight and miserable. We stayed broke with no future goals and we argued a lot.
When Kasey was almost 4 years old, I found out I was pregnant again. I was excited! Yes, I had been trying, even though Mike didn't really want another baby yet. Life's everyday dullness and our problems seemed to have put a damper on our relationship. Mike and I weren't as close as I'd like. Surely having another baby would bring us closer again. Mike had still spent time with his friends throughout all this time while I seemed to always be home with Kasey. We had our fights about that but yet they were never quite resolved. Just another stage in a girl's life. We go from a child with big dreams of the future, then to teen with uncertainties about what we want for our future, then into marriage. We are now a wife and homemaker. Chef and errand girl. We are suddenly responsible for the mood of our home. Then comes the children. We are now a mother, responsible for the safety, health and happiness of a little human being. There is no time in there just to be me.
Here we are, pregnant again and Mike is once again uncertain of his feelings. He knew I had been trying to get pregnant but he was nervous about having a second child to feed and take care of. Mike has always had that sort of annoying timing. He speaks up with his true feelings AFTER something has happened instead of before. So, we prepared ourselves, our home and big sister for the new arrival.
Life Lesson: You are never too young to make a plan. Budget, have goals and communicate with each other. It's way too easy to get into trouble financially and in your relationship without a plan.
Next Post: a new little Holley!
